Liverpool: The best analysis of the $tevie Geez situation

This was in The Guardian's 'The Fiver' joke/news email newsletter, but is probably the best 'analysis' of the $tevie Geez's 'betrayal' I've read so far. Of course, it takes the piss out of the whole thing and gullible Liverpool supporters in general, but damn me if this isn't a pretty accurate analysis of the team's situation:

Of course, if Liverpool fans spent less time idolising sportsmen who are bewildered by their fanaticism and more time examining the facts, they'd quickly realise that (a) if it's loyalty you're after you should buy a dog and (b) $tevie Me will be no great loss. Yes, he can trap footballs in the giant furrow that is his forehead, but in four of the last five seasons Liverpool have averaged more points per Premiership game played without him than when he's been there cannoning trademark 60-yard passes off pitchside burger vans.

The upshot? With Xabi Alonso on their books, Liverpool are set to trouser well over £30m by way of compensation for losing their second best midfielder. As to where he'll go next: the smart money says Chelsea - who today had a £32m bid rejected - although that suspicious-looking paella van parked outside Anfield could well contain spies from Real Madrid, who admit they're "monitoring the situation". Either way, having already rejected a £100,000-a-week deal to stay at Liverpool, $tevie won't come cheap.

Read the whole thing HERE.

I say, sell the bugger, and use the thirty million pounds to buy another midfielder to partner Xabi Alonso. And a few more players at the same time.

$tevie Geez, this is one road you WILL be walking alone.

So long, and thanks for all the money.