Chelsea Financial Chumps: The Fast Way to save your club from Bankruptcy

Having a lot of problems balancing your bank accounts?

No money to buy any players?

Have incredibly vast chasms between the money you get from your pitiful jersey sales and your expenses due to astonomical player's salaries?

Threatened with administration?

Fear not! The answer is here!

Just contact:

CHELSEA FINANCIAL CHUMPS!!!

For immediete cash injection, why look for ANOTHER Russian oil baron when there is already one in the EPL willing to help your club?

Just follow these instructions for an instant 20 million pounds:

1) Pinpoint the best player in your squad. Make sure he trains a lot, and scores lots of goals

2) Make sure he plays REALLY REALLY well throughout the season

3) Make sure he gets a reputation as the 'best player in his position'.

Now comes the tricky part:

4) Try to invite as many Chelsea scouts to see your player as possible

5) If possible, try to win as many FA Cup games as possible to get a game with Chelsea

6) Make sure your best player outplays Frank Lampard or John Terry or scores a hat-trick

7) Now, go to the press and say the following:

CHELSEA WANTS TO BUY MY BEST PLAYER

8) Don't worry whether it's true or not, as long as you whip up the hype. When there is sufficient hype, release THIS story:

REAL MADRID/ARSENAL/MANCHESTER UNITED WANT TO BUY MY BEST PLAYER.

9) Sit back and watch as Chelsea scrambles to buy your best player with a bid of 10 million pounds.

10) Then, release THIS story:

I WILL ONLY SELL MY BEST PLAYER FOR 30 MILLION POUNDS

11) Sit back and wait for Chelsea to bid 20 million pounds. Reject any bid below 20 million pounds.

12) Complete transfer.

VOILA! You now have twenty million pounds in the bank, which you can either use to buy five other players, or clear your club's debt.

So what if your club will now get relegated because you sold your best player? You saved your club from bankruptcy!

(Disclaimer: This guide not apply if you are Manchester United. YOUR problems came from the other side of the Atlantic...)